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March 3, 2013

Being a smart ass (or a CrakGenius, if you will) has its drawbacks.  The biggest drawback is that I have smart ass children.  Whether the result of nature or nurture, I have been cursed blessed with children who are just like me.  Their antics give me no end of amusement, yet drive their poor mother and the rest of the family up the wall at times.

This leads me to a recent exchange between my son (the Nerdling), and the youngest child of the bunch (the product of the ex and her new husband).  He’s 7 years old, and as 7 year-olds do, he came home from school the other day excited to tell a knock-knock joke to his big brother.  The following conversation ensued:

7: Knock! Knock!

Nerdling: Who’s there?

7: Banana!

Nerdling: That’s impossible.

7: … wait.  What?

Nerdling: Bananas don’t talk.

7: NO!  It’s supposed to be a joke!!!

Nerdling: Oh.  Okay try it again.

7: Knock knock!

Nerdling: What was that?

7: What?

Nerdling: Why are you standing there saying knock knock?

7: That’s how the joke starts!  It’s like someone knocking on the door!

Nerdling: The front door, or the door to my room?

7: The front door!

Nerdling: Oh.  Then we should do this at the front door.

He takes 7 to the front door at this point, gently pushes him outside, then shuts the door behind him.  Moments later, 7 knocks on the door.

Nerdling: Who’s there?

7: Banana!

Nerdling: (Opens the door, looks excited, then angry) LIAR! You have no bananas!

I almost felt sorry for 7.  Almost.  If I wasn’t laughing so hard, I might have put an end to it.  Instead, my daughter joined in the fun and before long, my son and daughter were locked in an anti-joke-off.


What is an Anti-Joke?

In case you aren’t familiar with the term, an anti-joke is when you begin with the setup from a popular joke, and conclude with a logical statement rather than a punchline.  The most famous example of an anti-joke is, “Why did the chicken cross the road?  To get to the other side.”  Stupid.  Logical.  And often, in our smart-assed opinion, funnier than an actual joke.  Here, then, are some of the best entries from the Genius household family anti-joke-off.

  • What did the lion say when it ate the clown?  Nothing.  Lions are not capable of speech.
  • A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.  They exit the bar later, feeling slightly inebriated.
  • Why are teddy bears never hungry?  Because they are toys.
  • What do you call a sleeping bull?  A bull.  Its state of wakefulness has no bearing on what it is called.
  • Why did the man throw the clock out the window?  He had unresolved anger management issues.
  • What’s red and smells like blue paint?  Red paint.
  •  Why don’t you starve in the desert?  Because dehydration kills long before starvation.
  • A duck walks into a bar.  Animal control is called and the duck is later released back into the wild.
  • What do you call a peanut in space?  A peanut.  The location of the peanut does not change the name.
  • Why are fish so smart?  They aren’t.
  • Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?  Because of a number of infractions of corporate policy.
  • What kind of tree loves to drink hot chocolate?  None.  Trees don’t have feelings.
  • Yo mamma’s so fat that her doctor was concerned about her risk of developing cardiovascular disease and diabetes.
  • Stop me if you’ve heard this one.  …two, three, four, five, six…

See?  Hilarious!  Meanwhile the rest of the household looked on, shaking their heads as we laughed uncontrollably.  I’m glad to see that the smart-ass gene is a dominant trait.

Love anti-jokes, too?  Check out the Anti-joke Cat over on the Twitter!  He’s hilarious in that way that he’s totally not funny at all.


Have some anti-jokes for me?  Let me have it!  Feel free to post them in the comment section below!


From → Blogs

  1. LOL! In my head, all of those anti-jokes were being said by Data from Star Trek!

    • Data vs. Worf would be the greatest anti-joke-off ever!

    • No lie… I was thinking the same exact thing!! LOVE DATA,,

      That’s just hilarious..



      • Seriously, there’s a youtube video in there somewhere… Data vs. Worf – anti-joke-off. Also, I got your email, Val. I’m super excited. We should work together and launch it at the same time, but to different people.

      • Yes!! I agree! Lets work out the details. I have been pondering and I think your idea is perfect. Lets roll with it!

  2. Sounds like a reasonable conversation! Soon there will be stand-up logicians nationwide.

  3. Why did the blonde girl hang her head in shame? Because she couldn’t think of an anti-joke to leave in the comments.

    It’s not you, it’s me – I buckle under pressure. Your kids sound hilarious – like my kid. Loved the post!

    • Why did the blogger take forever to approve a comment? Because the dropdown menu on his WordPress header wasn’t working.

      Anyway, welcome to my blog! I love getting new readers!

      On a related note, for people commenting on here for the first time, I’m experiencing technical difficulties at the moment. I have to approve through the dashboard->comments, which ONLY works if I HAPPEN to go to my dashboard and see if I have any unapproved comments. Working on it, though, as I’m sure it’s a computer issue on my end and not a WordPress thing. Thanks!

  4. mylifeaslucille permalink

    Yes. My family suffers from my smartass-ish-ness (real word). It makes me so proud. Except not when 3 out of 4 of us are laughing uncontrollably at our wit and the 4th is totally pissed.

  5. I’m a little upset that the chicken crossing the road didn’t get a shout out. And why was he crossing the road? To go peck at whatever it is chickens peck at. There was nothing left on his side of the road. Hence the crossing. Did I kill it?

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