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More Baffling Political Comparisons

November 5, 2012

Okay… I’ll admit this isn’t the election eve post I had planned.  I was totally going to go on an anti Jeff Flake and Ben Quayle rant, similar to my criticism of  Sheriff Joe, and get some real anger off my chest.  But, honestly, why?  Has anyone EVER suddenly changed their political stance based on a blog post?  Has a single blog EVER turned the tide of an election?  I’m going to go out on a limb and declare, without any research into the matter, that the answer to both of those questions is a resounding NO.  So, instead, I’m keeping it light on here today, folks.

I WILL say this one thing first, though.  Seriously, don’t just pull the lever for your party and ASSUME that everyone with an elephant or a donkey on their sign represents the party platform.  Honestly, what part of writing a blog under an assumed name on a porn site about how slutty women at Scottsdale clubs can be falls within the Republican ideology of family values?  Okay, yes, that was a Ben Quayle rant… but I couldn’t help it.  I’m done now.  I swear.

Maybe.

If Barack Obama = Charlie Chaplin

So, if you saw my previous post, you saw all the crazy anti-political signage out there this election year… and then there was one which turned out to be an ACTUAL sign used at a tea party rally.

Obama’s the same as Charlie Chaplin?? What??? Huh????

If Barack Obama is indeed the same shit as Charlie Chaplin… then I simply couldn’t help myself but make other random political comparisons.  PLEASE feel free to print these out and waive them in front of news cameras to show your deeply held political beliefs.  Seriously.  Or hand these out to just confuse people (at an appropriate distance from the polls, please.  I’ll have no legal infractions on my head!).

Ben Quayle is the same as Dan Quayle!

Okay, granted, that one is a little too easy.  But the stupid apple really didn’t roll far from the stupid tree.  Seriously, if you live in Arizona, please don’t vote for him. People are laughing at us.  Okay. Moving on…

Joe Biden is the same as Joe Jonas?! Whaaaat?!

Yeah.  I went there.  Oh, you can’t hold back my politically motivated fury!  Who’s next?

Jeff Flake = Bran Flakes?!?

I don’t even know what that MEANS but I’m pretty sure it’s completely true.  Because I saw it on the internet.  Right after I created it in Microsoft Paint and posted it on the internet.  Bam!  On the internet = true.

And, finally, even the OTHER presidential candidate isn’t immune from my scathing attacks.  Behold!

 

Mitt Romney is a friggin Sleestak! Don’t vote Sleestak this election year!

On the Other Hand…

I may be way off on that last one.  Unless… there are multiple Sleestaks running around this country.

Yep. They’re invading.

 

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16 Comments
  1. I always thought Nicole Richie looked like a lizard!
    I’m feeling very blah about the elections this go around. The debates were like watching two kids in the school yard go “nah nah boo boo” at each other, so over simplified. Definitely voting for the nice one and not the Sleestak, but I wish we had a viable third party candidate 😦

    • Romney also has that lizard like quality… leathery skin and a mouth that looks like it could unhinge and swallow a whole ostrich egg. That’s why I made the comparison. I was totally NOT saying he’s out to kill park ranger Rick Marshall and his children, just to clarify.

      Unfortunately, we live in an age where “viable third party candidate” is synonymous with “pixie dust” and “leprechaun gold.” I’m not saying there can’t be one… just that nobody seems to believe there can be.

  2. isn’t Nicole Richie a mom? …with her and Snookie officially parents I’m concerned the world really is turning out like “Idiocracy”

    • Damn. I totally believed you. Went to Starbucks for NOTHING. Well… a coffee. But not the full body hot latte I ordered.

  3. The whole election cycle has been depressing this year. I’m just glad it’s almost over. Although I did enjoy this other totally-looks-like: http://cheezburger.com/6688253696

  4. Mostly, I want the elections to be OVER, and people to get back to what’s really important. Pictures of dinner INSTAGRAMed, and kittens doing cute things.

    • I KNOW, RIGHT?! I haven’t known what my vague social acquaintances have been eating for WEEKS. Shit.

      As for kittens, I have three in the house right now that are all in the “everything I do is fucking adorable” stage… so I’ve got that covered.

  5. funny stuff

    • Why thank you! I love getting new people posting on my semi-politically-related posts, because I have to approve them. Then I feel like “I’m The Crakgenius, and I approve this message.” Anyway, welcome to my stupid little blog!

      • I do hope you at least say “I approve this message,” in that creepy, magical underwear, Mitt Romney voice.

  6. Maybe there’s only one sleestak, and it couldn’t decide if it wanted to be a girl or a boy, so it became Romney AND Nichole Richie.

    • If you’re suggesting that Mitt Romney and Nicole Richie are the same person, then I just became pants-shittingly fearful for the future of our country. Come to think of it… I’ve never seen the two of them in the same place at the same time!

      • Exactly! Won’t Paris be jealous when her ex-bestie becomes president and outlaws tiny dogs.

  7. Whenever I see Nicole Ritchie, I always think of the show V. Not the new one, though… That old one, because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt that they would be the more awesome of the 2 types of lizard people.

    I’m awesome like that.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    • Are you suggesting that Sleestak are NOT awesome lizard people?! THEY were TRYING to defeat a fucking park ranger! That’s like a Texas Ranger, yo, but replace Texas with a park and guns with embarrassingly short shorts and… but… I mean… yeah okay, point taken.

      I’m just excited to see what the Charlie Chaplin / Joe Jonas White House can work out. I’m hoping some Jonas Bros. style dance moves, but without the horrible singing. So stick to the silent film work. And, of course, lots of slap stick. Because that shit NEVER gets old.

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