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Who You Callin’ a Trashy Vagina?

October 17, 2012

Wait! Wait!  Don’t run away from the title!  This one will be fun, I promise.

Still with me?  Good.  So, I’ve found myself ONLY going on Facebook to chat with people lately.  And, I suspect, right about the time I figure out how to chat on Google, I’ll be done with Facebook completely.  Why?  Is it because the political rants have finally gotten the better of me?  No, I can totally deal with that as a person who thinks for himself.  Am I sick of getting stupid game requests?  Nope.  Those are remarkably easy to ignore.  No, the thing is…

Fake Niceties on Facebook Piss Me Off

Lately, on the Book of Face, I’ve been seeing a lot of this nonsense…

The first two words you find describe how your true friends see you!

Hmmm… I call bullshit already.  How can a word search determine how I’m viewed by others?? But, what the hell. It’s on the Book Filled With Faces so it must be true. Let’s take this little word-search Rorschach and see what happens.  OMG!  I found “loving parent!”

AND THEN you go to the comments on the picture and you add something like, “I found LOVING PARENT.  This made my day!”  Never bothering to see that every asshole who commented and liked and shared this pretty much got the same steaming pile of male bovine excrement.  That’s because every damn word on the thing is something NICE to say about someone.  The only possible words to find on this example are loving, wonderful, caring, parent, friend, wise, and nice.  So every person who bothered to comment on this got answers like “It says I’m a WONDERFUL FRIEND,” or “Mine says I’m LOVING and CARING… and also I saw WONDERFUL at almost the same time as CARING so that probably counts too!”

Okay, fine, everyone needs a little ego boost now and then.  I get that.  But I would also hope that everyone has a pretty good idea of how their true friends see them.  They don’t need to be spoon fed sugar in the form of a word-search reach-around.  So, it gets under my skin when the same bull fecal matter is liked, shared, or commented on by everyone on my Face That Looks Like a Book.

And So, I Present My Rebuttal: The Nasty Word-Search

Yep.  You know exactly where this is headed.  Please, with my blessing, download this bad boy and post it on your Book Made of Human Faces wall for everyone to see and enjoy…

The first two words you find describe what others think of you. Put your results in the comments!

This time, the only words available are:

ANNOYING
WHORE
TRASHY
DOUCHE
LAME
PENIS
VAGINA

The last two, because I suspect most people will gravitate toward the words vagina or penis if they’re out there.  It’s like a car wreck, you can’t look away.  So, with this, you can look forward to comments like: “Hey, mine was lame penis.  Why is my penis lame?”  And “Trashy whore?   Holy shit this thing WORKS!”  Penis whore.  Trashy douche.  Annoying vagina.  Pretty much, no matter what people get, the results are hilarious.

This and eCards could actually keep me going on the … uhm… Book, Face, Space, Place?  Sorry I used up all the good ones already.  Steer dung.

For more riffing on fake niceties, check out some Unspirational Sayings here, here, and here.

 

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20 Comments
  1. Are you sure those are the only words available? ‘Cause I found “swix fockloy”. And that pretty much sums me up TO A T. Tee. Tea?

    • LMAO! Well, FOCK sticks out like a sore thumb… and since RASH is part of TRASHY … I suppose that could create some fun possibilities (“I’m an annoying rash? wtf, yo!”).

      But, truly, you’re the most swix fockloy I’ve ever met!

      • I should add that to my old okstupid profile. ‘About Me’: I’m just a swix fockloy, who enjoys candlelit blah blah blah just date me.

  2. Excellent! I hate those word search things, to. “Level headed” and “sarcastic” are never in them, therefore – not accurate for me.

    • I think my fake Facebook account needs to share this word search and your unspirational sayings. Good times will be had by all.

  3. That is pretty awesome! I think my take would be to make one that has no possible words in it, so people just stare at it wondering what they’re missing. “Waaaait a minute…there are no vowels!”

    • OMG how irritating would THAT be. Though, the comments would be HILARIOUS! Everyone would either completely go off about wasting their time on an impossible word search or make words out of bullshit like they’re reading a text from a 14yo grl w/o smrtphn.

  4. The first thing I saw was “fock loyu” I’ll take this be fuck you in the heavily accented voice of a recent russian immigrant.
    Spammy spamertons on facebook suck. Any of my friends posting idiotic things go on mute (err hide feed, or whatever that is). Then I have more space for cat memes or the latest work rant by my brother.

  5. XIDZW ZHSZ! That’s TOTALLY ME!

  6. For a second, I thought I saw loose vagina… Then I realized that I could not spell. At all…

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    • Sometimes those word searches will fuck with your head. And you’ll be all “I saw sparkly and awesome!” and then after posting that bullshit you look at it again and think, “whoa. NONE of that is out there. Tha hell??”

  7. Well, clearly you’ve moved on up. LOVE IT!!! I’ll be back and I have a post a-brewing for the “wears head as hat” award. *shivers*

  8. Oh, and I see Kemal. As in Kemal Ataturk (president of Turkey). Is that bad?

    • Well, I would assume most people wouldn’t see that… but if they did, I think when you combine Kemal with any of the other possibilities, it becomes bad. Like Kemal penis… I really don’t want people to associate me with Kemal penis… much like now you will all associate me with trashy vagina. Hmmm… I really didn’t think any of this through.

  9. Why do I keep finding “serial killer”? Have you been talking to my friends?

    • Are your “friends” the voices in your head? Then, yes. And they said you don’t want to kill me. So, we’re cool, right?

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