Satanic Dinnerware

Welcome to your one stop shop for all your satanic dinnerware needs.  Confused?  So was I when I saw this…

Why is someone searching for this… and WHY did it lead them here?

Okay, the formatting on my blog makes that pretty small, so if need be click to see a larger version, or I can just tell you what it says… one person was directed to my blog when they searched for “satanic glass mug.”  This, I find, is a bit odd.

1) Why Did Search Direct This Person Here?

I suppose it had something to do with the post in which I talked about a satanic microwave oven and a free glass mug to any person named Fred (with valid photo ID).  Okay, I get that I may have had the word “Satan” (Satan, mind you, NOT satanic) and the words “glass mug” within the same blog post, but not together.  And not relating to one another (unless Fred is a code name for Satan?  No?  Moving on).  Let’s be a little more selective in our search engine results, mmkay Google?

2) What the Hell (Pun Intended) Was This Person Really Looking For?

So, of COURSE I proceeded to run the same search, and, yeah, nobody out there seems to be selling satanic glass mugs.  Coffee mugs, oh sure.  Plenty of satanic coffee mugs.  Because, apparently, nothing says “rise ‘n’ shine” like a big ol’ cup-o-joe poured in a beverage container dedicated to the prince of darkness.  Examples? Okay then…

Satan looks oddly like I did in college… but with horns

This one is called “Satan is a hipster” … which I think owes royalties to the Hipster Hitler web comic somehow.

There was also a satanic barista who made the cut… and despite having some kick-awesome coffee pouring skills, they might be pure evil. Perhaps they sold their soul to the devil to make them a better barista?

Also, within that same search, I found lots of satanic mug shots.  No kidding, apparently Satan is getting arrested all over the place these days.  Take these unfortunate citizens for example…

As Marisa Tomei said in My Cousin Vinny, “Oh yeah, you blend.”

“Ms. Smith… do you see the perpetrator in this lineup?” “Number 3” “Are you sure?” “Is that a fucking joke or do you have 5 other guys who are a dead ringer for Satan that I don’t see through this window?”

There was also this little gem, which seems to have nothing to do with mugs or glassware of any kind…

“Big brother… how do you spell mommy?” “S-A-T-A-N. Now, wait here while I get my camera.”

And then, yes, right there in the midst of the listings was my image of a glorious glass mug with “Fred” etched into it.  It must have thrown the satanic dinnerware shopper a bit off.  “What the hell?  Does that say Fred?  Why did that come up?  And where can I find my satanic dinnerware so I can register for my wedding?” It must have presented quite a conundrum.

3) Where Does One Turn To Find Satanic Dinnerware?

And thus, seizing upon a glaring hole in the current dinnerware market, I present to you: satanic dinnerware (drawn poorly using Microsoft Paint).

The Winking Devil collection… “wink wink nudge nudge”

The Celtic Pentagram… teaches children the importance of eating their vegetables while also teaching the importance of the lord of the underworld.

The Beelzebub collection… so very hungry

These will all soon be available from my store!

4) But, You Don’t Have a Store…

Exactly.