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Text Messages With Kyle

May 23, 2012

I’m not feeling like delving into the past today.  I know, that’s SUPPOSED to be the point (if there is one) of this blog.  But I went to clear some text messages off of my phone today and decided I should save some of this for posterity.

There is, I suppose, something of a drawback to being both a smart ass and a parent.  That being: smart ass kids.  Kyle isn’t, technically, MY kid.  He’s a step-son, who is now in his twenties.  But he was young enough when we met that a LOT of me has rubbed off on him.  We have horrible text message conversations which are fit for nobody to read outside of ourselves… which I have naturally decided to publish here.

A Guidotastic Exchange

Upon hearing his half-Italian brother was being put on prednizone (sp?) for his asthma…

Kyle: You can’t put an Italian on steroids!  Haven’t you heard of Lou Ferrigno? That’s how the Hulk was made!

Me: True.

Me: And from every ad I’ve seen for Jerseyliscious every guy on there is a roided out oiled up Guido

Kyle: That show sounds like a fist pumping disaster.

Me: Indeed!

Better Czech That Boner

Kyle: Any idea where I can find a free (pirated) version of Rosetta Stone for learning Czech?

Me: I guess… pirate bay?

Me: Wait… Czech??

Kyle: Yeah.  I have a boner for all things eastern European.

Me: Wow… a phrase I never thought I’d hear you say…

Kyle: Haha!  Nah it’s for the girlfriend.

Me: Oh, Amanda has a boner for all things eastern European?

Kyle: She has a HUGE boner for eastern Europe!

Me: I’m… no longer comfortable with this conversation.

Dear Facebook

Kyle: Facebook is pissing me off!

Me: What did it do to you this time?

Kyle: Just when I get comfortable with it, they change it!  I’m going to write an angry email.

Me: You should run with that and not take time to think things through.

Kyle: Dear Facebook.  What. The. Fuck.  Sincerely, Kyle

Me: Outstanding.  You should change “sincerely” to “yours in Christ”

Kyle: Oh, good call!

So, there you have it.  This is what will happen to the rest of you smart ass parents out there as well.  Eventually, you will look at your children, and think, my God. What have I done?  That’s all for now, people.  I’m working on a fairly long blog which I will either publish within the next few days or delete out of frustration.  SO… stay… tuned?  I guess?


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One Comment
  1. By the way… before you fire off an angry comment for the “yours in Christ” thing, I wasn’t being anti-Christian or anything. I was merely suggesting that the juxtaposition of saying “what the fuck” and “yours in Christ” is pretty damn funny. Which it is. Get over it.

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