The Beard is Back
I’ve finally dusted off the old twitter and started tweeting again, guys. I know, I was once hailed as “the King of Twitter” (by, I think, as many as 2, maybe 3 people). Since that time, though, my following has dwindled dramatically as I have really slowed my twitter usage. Then something happened around the beginning of February that earned me a number of followers… I was retweeted by the Bloggess.
The snowball effect of a Bloggess retweet is a handful of new followers and a handful of re-retweets… and the sudden realization that these people expect you to be this kind of funny all the time. And, holy shit, I totally hadn’t been any kind of funny on Twitter for a very, VERY long time before that tweet. Through much of February I got very serious and political because Arizona is run by fuckwits, but I returned to my former lighthearted self and tweeted my ass off in March. So, as I have done in past blogs, here are some of the highlights from my tweets for the month of March.
March 3 - This, for no particular reason, is when I started really tweeting in earnest again. I had 2 tweets I loved on this day:
- My son just walked into the room wearing a Marvel shirt and a Batman mask and then was promptly struck by lightning
- The three year old is singing the alphabet… So now I know my gdk’s…
March 8 - I knew I was starting to really get back into Twitter when I tweeted several times from a tablet while on a vacation:
- Dear @Quaker, Maybe drop the “oops” from the All Berries version of the Cap’n. I’m starting to doubt the accidental nature of this product.
- It’s fully 35 minutes past 5:00 and we still haven’t cracked open this bottle of Jameson! What kind of bullshit is this?!
From that point… it was on. Here’s the best of the rest of March:
- My daughter accidentally called Darth Sidious “Lord Syphilis” and now wonders why I won’t stop laughing at her.
- The crazy wind started blowing my son’s hair straight up… “I think I’m going Super Saiyan”
- @TheBloggess on a scale of 1 to Severed Head, how disturbing are we talking here?
- All I need to know in life I learned from Alton Brown [from a conversation with @3monkeysandmom]
- Queensryche just came on the classic rock station and a part of me wanted to cry.
- The ten day forecast here is so sexy I want to take a screenshot and make it my wallpaper
- #Hashtag #Hashtag #Hashtag #Hashtag #TeamFollowMeForNoReason -What I see when I look at most people’s bios.
- Between my shaggy beard and my long hair I’m pretty sure I’ve accidentally become a hippie.
- The only alcoholic beverage in the house is Bud Light. This is how happiness dies, people.
- I wish this dinner sucked, because it was a ton of work and it tastes so amazing that I know the kids will want it again…
- “Enticing tale, brethren! Pray tell, recant it once more!” -Medieval Douchebags
- I’m planning a trip to Vegas in October to celebrate the end to my “dirty thirties.” Simultaneously exciting and depressing…
- Shout out to UConn, Kentucky, and Wisconsin for thoroughly fucking my brackets.
- I wonder if Flavor Flav ever told people he likes to rock out with his clock out?
For me, though, the funniest stuff I tweet out usually comes embedded in a conversation. For example, when @LouisatheLast began tweeting some horrifying selections from a cookbook from the 1970s, everyone was joining in the conversation. You should check out the whole conversation by clicking the image, but it started with this thing here:
On the lighter side, what is even happening here? 1970s cookbook. “Barbecue green bean bunwiches.” pic.twitter.com/xUK0JIWAgG
— Louisa (@LouisatheLast) March 23, 2014
@LouisatheLast "Holy shit honey, please let me just order Chinese!" -Every man who was served selections from this cookbook
— CrakGenius (@Crakgenius) March 23, 2014
Then there was the conversation I had with Justin Warner (he won the Next Food Network Star a couple of seasons back… in case you don’t know who I’m talking about):
@EatFellowHumans M C Hammer never had that problem.
— CrakGenius (@Crakgenius) March 29, 2014
I should point out that I didn’t intentionally make my tweets larger and Justin’s smaller, it’s just easier to embed my responses which includes the original tweets. Also, mine were funnier. *Self high five!*
Finally, we come to my favorite conversation of the month. And that’s really saying something, because I had an absolute blast cracking wise with my twitter people over the course of the month of March. Here, I reconnected with one of my favorite bloggers, Starr Bryson, @sleepybard of The Insomniac’s Dream… who was living right down the road from me pretty much the whole time I was hiding from the internet and now that I’m back online she’s back in Pennsylvania. Go figure. Anyway, on March 18th we had this exchange:
@sleepybard Haha… I’m a little surprised it didn’t turn into a contest. “Nahhh I like ‘put his iron-hard poker into her love furnace’”
— CrakGenius (@Crakgenius) March 19, 2014
That’s my March Twitter shenanigans in a nutshell. So farewell for now, my blogbabies… or as the above mentioned Sleepy Bard would say, “happy nightmares!”